I SAID YOUNG MAN!
by Sonnie Celanna
Summary: [Crack] Izuku's words hung in the air for a moment as All Might stood staring out to the distance. After a moment though, a wide grin was on the man's face as he took in the middle schooler. "YOUNG MAN! THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN! I SAID YOUNG MAN, PICK YOURSELF OFF THE GROUND!"


"I'm a normal kid without any powers, could I ever hope to be someone like you?!"

Izuku's words hung in the air for a moment as All Might stood staring out to the distance. After a moment though, a wide grin was on the man's face as he took in the middle schooler.

"YOUNG MAN!"

Izuku jumped in surprise at the loud jolly tone of his hero's voice.

"THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN!"

"E-Eh? Wait then I can be a hero?!" The greenette asked hopefully, gripping his bag to him tighter.

"I SAID YOUNG MAN! PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE GROUND!"

"H-huh? But I'm not-"

"I SAID, YOUNG MAN! CAUSE YOU'RE IN A NEW TOWN!"

"I've lived here all my life All Might! Is that a metaphor?!"

"THERE'S NO NEED TO BE UNHAPPY!"

All Might suddenly appeared at his side, wrapping an arm around the teen's shoulder, pointing to the horizon where U.A. high was barely visible, the sun shining through it like a beacon of hope.

"YOUNG MAN! THERE'S A PLACE YOU CAN GO!",

"Wait, I can really go to U.A.?! You believe in me?!" The greenette asked excited, eyes sparkling. He got a thumbs up from the blonde, who just continued on.

"I SAID YOUNG MAN! WHEN YOU'RE SHORT ON YOUR DOUGH!"

"Uh, is that another metaphor for quirks or something?"

"YOU CAN STAY THERE AND I'M SURE YOU WILL FIND, MANY WAYS TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!"

"Uh, All Might?"

"IT'S FUN TO STTTAAAAYYS7wyd79y-" Suddenly sparks flew out from the number one pro, making Izuku jump in surprise before suddenly the muscular man's neck snapped straight forward with an even wider grin.

"Uh, All Might-"

"I AM BIG GAY!"

"O-oh?! Well I support your choices! What does that have to do with quirklessness though?"

"I AM BIG GAY!"

"Well you are big-" Suddenly Izuku's face went red. "AH I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THATEVENTHOUGHYOUPROBABLYAREANDOHMYGODWHYI'MGOINGTOSHUTUPNOW-"

"IT'S FUN TO STAY AT HIGH SCHOOL: U.A.! IT'S FUN TO STAY AT HIGH SCHOOL: U.A.!"

Suddenly All Might picked the boy up over his head, and they rocketed off towards Dagobah beach.

* * *

Six months later

Izuku was coated in sweat, trudging through the sands of Dagobah while lugging around a massive pile of trash, breathing heavily when suddenly the world went black, and he fell forward onto the floor.

"Ugh….. why….. why are we doing this?!"

"YOUNG MAN! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

"Yes sir…" He groaned, knowing what was coming. All Might always said the same stuff, sometimes almost robotically.

"I SAID YOUNG MAN! WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?!"

"A hero, as we've established-"

"I SAID YOUNG MAN! YOU CAN MAKE REAL YOUR DREAMS!

And so, they got to work again, as Midoriya watched the man seemingly glow.

'Remember why you're doing this Izuku. He may not of said it but he wrote something about a quirk inheritance…'

* * *

The day of the entrance exam

"Ugh…. That was gross." Izuku complained, face scrunched up as he could still taste his mentor's hair in his mouth. With a sad sigh after, he looked over himself. "I don't feel any different…. Are you sure I'm worthy, All Might? I mean…. I feel like I just got lucky."

The number one pro laughed, clapping his hand onto his student's shoulders.

"YOUNG MAN! I WAS ONCE IN YOUR SHOES!"

Izuku's eyes went wide.

"E-eh?! You were quirkless?!"

"I SAID, I WAS DOWN AND OUT WITH THE BLUES!"

"Ah… depression sucks. Though I never expected the man screaming 'I am big gay' in my face would be the one who was depressed."

"I FELT NO MAN CARED IF I WERE ALIVE! I FELT THE WHOLE WORLD WAS SO TIGHT!"

"Ah! Well I care now, All Might! I promise! I'm going to ace that entrance exam, for you!" The greenette said, determined, turning and bolting away while getting a thumbs up from his mentor.

Who then promptly turned around with jerky movements as sparks began to flit off of him. He launched towards the nearest convenience store combined with a gas station, barrelling in to where there was a young teen girl who leaned back in surprise.

"All Might!?"

"I SAID YOUNG MAN!"

"I-I'm a girl, sir!"

He grabbed a nearby oil drum, slamming down a few billion yen.

"Ah! All Might's paying me for oil?! And this much?!

"YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN!"

"How did you know I was a smoker?!"

"YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD MEAL!"

"And that I come from a family in poverty?!"

"YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL!"

With that, All Might took the oil drum, lifted it up… and poured every last drop down his throat. His smile grew wider once he finally set it down as his movements became fluid again.

"**I SAID YOUNG MAN-"**

* * *

Bakguou let out angry huffs as he stomped through the gates of U.A. high, just wanting to get home for once.

Stupid fucking Deku having a sudden stupid fucking quirk that was fucking more powerful than his.

Fuck.

A sudden rush of wind caused the teens normally rigid hair to billow and he looked up, before scowling upon seeing All Might before him. "Fuck off, I don't want you're encouragement."

"YOUNG MAN! YOUNG MAN!"

"Save your speeches, All Mi-"

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME-"

"I SAID NO-"

"YOUNG MAN! YOUNG MAN! WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?"

"A HERO YOU FUCKING MORON WHY ELSE WOULD I BE AT-"

"HIGH SCHOOL: U.A."

Suddenly the man pulled out a sheet of paper, showing it to the blonde. It was an expulsion paper, and beside it was a picture of Midoriya in his current beaten up state.

Bakugou's name was on the expulsion form.

"IT'S FUN TO **STAY** AT HIGH SCHOOL: U.A.!"

He tapped the picture, making the teen blonde growl.

"…..Ok fuck, I get your point asshole."

All Might smiled wider, before throwing an arm around his student.

"BUT YOU GOT TO KNOW THIS ONE THING!"

"What, some stupid fucking secret hero knowledge?"

"NO MAN DOES IT ALL BY HIMSELF!"

"THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING AWARDED FOR YOU IDIOT! ALSO FUCK YOU WATCH ME!"

"I SAID YOUNG MAN! PUT YOUR PRIDE ON THE SHELF!"

"WHY?!"

"JUST GO THERE! TO HIGH SCHOOL: U.A. AND THEY CAN HELP YOU TODAY!"

"WHO SAID I WANT HELP!?"

"I AM BIG GAY!"

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?!"

"I AM BIG GAY!"

"I DON'T NEED TO KNOW-" Suddenly All Might directed the student towards the school, where the red headed Kirishima was looking out with a longing gaze.

"THEY HAVE EVERYTHING FOR YOU MEN TO ENJOY! YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH ALL THE BOYS!"

"Oh…. OH…. Oh shit I'm gay…." The blonde just looked down, before walking back to the school. "I'm going to see that shitty haired idiot!"

"IT'S FUN TO STAY AT HIGH SCHOOL: U.A!"

* * *

"And so, that's how we'll kill you, Symbol of Peace!" Shigaraki cried with a high laugh. "NOMU WILL-"

"**I AM BIG GAY!**" All Might cried as he delivered a powerful strike to the creatures stomach, sending it launching off into space.

"Oh…. Shit. KUROGIRI GET ME TO NARNIA!" The crusty villain covered in hands cried, jumping onto his partners' back, who quickly had them disappearing

The students looked around, before cheering, Midoriya the loudest.

"ALL MIGHT BEAT THE MUSCULAR MAN/BIRD CREATURE WITH HIS BIG GAY ENERGY!"

"YAY!"

What no one noticed where the extra sparks flying off All Might from the one hit the creature managed to land.

* * *

Class 1-A walked through the halls of U.A. with their heads held proud following the sports festival, even the ones who didn't get into the final rounds as they all performed admirably.

Aizawa lead them forward and they arrived at the stairs when they heard a sudden yell, before a series of crashes ended with All Might crashing on the floor in front of them as his head shot off and hit a wall, exposing wires in his neck and head.

"AAHHHH!" most of the students screamed, while others just took steps back in shock. Once they had a moment to observe though, Izuku shot forward to his mentor's side before inspecting the wires confused and looking up to his equally befuddled classmates.

He gently reached inside the body and pried it open, revealing a record player and a note which the greenette took out. He quickly checked the record and hummed.

"The YMCA?" He pondered, before reading the note. "'To whoever reads this, you have found out the secret of All Might. He's no more than an all-powerful jukebox, who has been imbued with the big gay energy the YMCA produces. It kept him going for so long, but even the big gay must run out eventually.'"

"So All Might was just a big gay robot all along?" Aizawa asked, before taking out a pouch of 'juice' that was probably alcoholic and downing it all in one. "I FUCKING KNEW IT!"

"Wait…. So I'm powered by the big gay energy now?" Izuku asked, before his eyes widened. "Todoroki no!"

"TODOROKI YES!" And the heterochromatic jumped the greenette, trying to make out with him.

"HELP!"

Suddenly, a blue spark launched out of All Might's robotic corpse and hit Izuku, making Todoroki jump away while the greenette glowed green before turning back to normal.

"Uh.. Midoriya?" Ojiro began to ask as he walked to help his friend up, only for Izuku to grab his arm and pull him to the ground before beating him into a pulp for seemingly no reason.

"EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING!"

The other students could only watch in horror and guilty amusement.

Hidden in the Shadows, principal Nezu let out a frustrated sigh. His most powerful gay cyborg jukebox machines were fucking faulty morons.


End file.
